


No One Cares

by Corgikyle



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-05 07:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12185208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corgikyle/pseuds/Corgikyle
Summary: That feeling of being completely alone in a school full of people who you were once friends with is one of the worst feelings Kyle has felt. He didn’t know if he preferred the mocking phase because at least then they had acknowledged him. The teachers even had seemed to forget his existence after his straight A’s became average B’s. If you’re not excelling or failing they tend to not care who you are if you’re passing.





	1. Chapter 1

That feeling of being completely alone in a school full of people who you were once friends with is one of the worst feelings Kyle has felt. He didn’t know if he preferred the mocking phase because at least then they had acknowledged him. The teachers even had seemed to forget his existence after his straight A’s became average B’s. If you’re not excelling or failing they tend to not care who you are if you’re passing.

The reason this all happened wasn’t just one singular event but a collection. It started when Stan and Wendy got together permanently in high school. The classic adorable high school sweethearts everyone knew because they always flaunted their affection. Cartman would make jokes about Kyle’s sudden sadness because he no longer got to hang out with his best friend. Calling him gay which Kyle didn’t care. He actually didn’t care about gender period. As long as he liked someone, why would he care? Craig and Tweek were praised but that wasn’t a huge surprise. They were cute as kids and now that they were teenagers very hot. He actually had a secret crush on them like people do with movie stars.

He was average though. His red hair was cut down now to a modern hair style which he didn’t like at first but grew to love it. The curls were still prominent but in a ‘I meant to do that’ type way instead of a ‘there is no way I can control them’. And his average looks with his high grades made him the ‘geek’ of the class. All the guys would’ve been considered geeks as kids though so it felt unfair that even if he still loved all the things they enjoyed he was now an outcast. Him being mad just made the teasing grow more so he started to hide what made him truly happy.

The biggest thing that caused things to shift was when he wore shorts that came close together to look like a skirt that his mother got him. She was becoming ill than and they didn’t think she would make it so even if he didn’t like the way they looked he hoped the kids at school would understand. But the jokes, laughter, writing on his locker, and just generally being avoided continued even after he threw them in the back of his closet sent him into a deep depression. He doesn’t care about gender when dating someone but he also doesn’t care about gender when it’s himself either. He wouldn’t mind wearing makeup or dresses but he knew it wouldn’t have a good result if he tried especially after what had happened with just a pair of shorts.

The last thing was when him and Stan got in a huge fight. It was private for the most part where Kyle was upset at him for not spending any time with him but at school when Kyle tried asking him if he wanted to go to the movies was the biggest reason people made fun of him to the point of him being a nobody. Stan very loudly told him to, ‘stop harassing me you fag. Can’t you see I have a girlfriend? I can’t spend every second with you.’

The halls were completely quiet at first. Kyle could feel his heart race a mile a minute with his throat closing up to the point it was hard to breathe. His eyes even began to sting as the roar of laughter came down so loud the teachers had to quiet them. But the worst of all. Stan was laughing too. Laughing at his complete embarrassment. Laughing at the pain he caused his use to be best friend. The laughter he can still hear if he thought back to what happened. Stan did try to apologize later that day with a text message though. A text. It just said that he was sorry and didn’t mean to say that in front of everybody.  

Kyle didn’t return it. Obviously after that incident him and Stan no longer hung out anymore and as for the other two? Cartman shouldn’t need to have an explanation. He was just as sour as ever especially after the Heidi and him finally broke it off. Which was good for her since now she was in a loving, committed relationship with Bebe. As for Kenny… He naturally trailed off from the group years ago when he had a crush on Powder Turner. It was cute to see him so love struct and Kyle felt happy for him when they finally got together. They actually did make a perfect couple that could last through everything.

And now, he was all alone. The laughter and teasing had stopped completely to the point he was a ghost. Did anyone even see him anymore in the halls? His brother also seemed to ignore him at school as if he was a plague. It physically hurt him now to see Ike turn away from him and walk in the other direction when he was nearby. At home, they never talk anymore. Maybe it was just a phase but it seemed like Ike no longer had any interest in his older brother. His family even seemed to not care about him after he was getting average grades and quit basketball.

So, now is it a huge surprise that he was hating himself? Hating his life and the hope of it getting better becoming so slim that if someone looked at him the wrong way he wouldn’t know what he was going to do to himslef. He wanted to rip his hair out, bang his head against the wall, cut his wrists, or even shoot himself just to get some relief. But he never did. He was scar free on his body but his insides felt rotten. He was rotten. He was dying and no one cared enough to water him or give him any sunlight. Pushed to the side as if he was some sort of unsavory piece of food.

But Today was Friday. The last day of the week. The day he had planned to kill himself.

His parents were going to be out of town, his brother was staying that week with a friend, and no one cared to ask if he was going to do anything. No one ever does.

School started out fine. Well- as fine as it can be when you know it’s going to be your last day. As usual people ignored him, forgot his name, sat in his assigned seat, and being a general annoyance to him now. Why can’t they see what they’re doing is hurting him? But in science class something unexpected happened. He felt a small tap on his shoulder and when he turned back he wasn’t introduced to jokingly innocent look away but with a sheepish smile.

“Do you have a pencil I could borrow dude?” Kenny asked quietly so that the teacher wouldn’t hear. It honestly took him a few seconds before processing what they said and dug in his bag to hand him over one. 

“Thanks~” Kenny said softly while going back to scribbling down what the teacher was writing on the board. That… Was different. No one ever asked him to borrow things and the last time he talked to Kenny was… Years. Even if they were so close in class they never talked. Was this a sign?

No. It just had to be coincidence. So, he ignored it and went on with school since he felt stupid trying to make something more of what just happened. He was honestly happy someone asked to borrow a pencil? How pathetic. And he didn’t even get the pencil back afterwards which was icing on the cake.

Lunch came and he sat alone at his table. His table because no one ever wanted to sit beside him after everything that had happened and how uncouth he was. But instead of eating, he was writing possibilities down. He could cut his wrists and bleed out in the bath tub like the movies did. But that seemed a bit climatic for someone like him. Though it would be affective. Overdosing seemed to be the most pleasing one since it was easier to do and his insides were already rotting. Hanging… It seemed scary but that’s how he felt emotionally.

“Hey. Sorry about keeping it for so long. Powder wasn’t here today and most teachers don’t like giving out handouts.” He heard a voice say close by that caused him to quickly close his notebook and look up with wide doe eyes. Kenny was looking like he was about to laugh from the scene while placing the pencil down in front of Kyle. “Not hungry today? Or do you not eat the cafeteria food anymore? It’s been a long time huh.” Kenny continued while sitting down in front of Kyle as if they were back as kids.

“… What are you doing?” Kyle couldn’t help but ask in a confused tone. No one sits with him. No one cares about him. Is it just because Powder is away today and he doesn’t want to be alone without her? His stomach was turning in knots to the point he was already side glancing at the door in case he had to go throw up.

“Sitting? Is that bad?” Kenny asked with a bit of hurt staining his tone. Kyle looked down at his notebook for a minute before looking back at Kenny with a small head shake.

“No, it’s not bad… Just no one usually does sit here.” Kyle explained earning a confused gaze from the blonde. “Do you seriously not know about all the school incidents with me? No one really cares about me now.” Kyle couldn’t help but spill out. Maybe it’s because he wants someone to help him… To save him… To tell him that he’s important.

“Oh- you mean the thing with Stan and the skirt?” He asked and chuckled a bit as if thinking back on it. Ow. Ow. Kyle’s heart hurt as the small laughter continued. He was about to get up and walk away before Kenny stopped and sighed. “I thought that stuff would be over by now.” He said simply which made Kyle furious.

“Nope. It’s not over. Still a joke.” Kyle said with his teeth wanting to grind down. Doesn’t he know how much pain he’s in? That he was literally writing ways to die today down? Of course he doesn’t. No one does because no one cares.

“That sucks. I’m sure it’ll blow over soon.” Kenny tried reassuring and Kyle actually smiled at that because yes, it would. It’ll all be over soon. And it actually felt nice to smile over something so dark as his own impending death.

“I have something I need to go work on. It was good to talk to you for a bit. Here- keep it for the rest of the day.” Kyle said while standing up and leaving the pencil on the table. Kenny just thanked him as he walked away to go outside to finish his list. Maybe it was fate for Kenny to finally talk to him. But not in the ‘you should live’ way that he had hoped but a ‘you should die today and get it over with’.

And that was the only big thing that happened that day. He had passed Kenny a few times in the hall but it was back to square one with the avoidant glances and just general ghost Kyle. He finally picked how he was going to do it though. He was going to overdose on any medication he could find in the house. But it was weird when he walked home. It was a feeling of acceptance of his fate that he was about to step into. Being alone in the house helped since no one would be around to do anything about it. Not that they would even realize what he was doing if they were there.

After a few minutes of thinking, he wrote out and a small note that said ‘It doesn’t really matter’ to lay on his neatly made up bed since why not? Then took the strongest prescribed medicine from the bathroom cabinet since it seemed like the logical thing and went to the living room to start taking them since if it didn’t work, he wouldn’t want to wake up on a hard, cold floor. He mistakenly tried taking a bunch at once with water which made him almost puke all over the floor so now he was just taking them one by one until the bottle was empty.

It was weird waiting. He was even temped to turn on the television since it felt like hours were going by with feeling nothing. Maybe a bit sleepy but he’s felt so tired for so long it didn’t really faze him. He took out his phone and looked through it a bit with no notification from anything. School had only let out an hour ago so it wasn’t a huge deal. Though that may have just been the hope of something to turn everything around even though he was already done f-.

A sudden ringing made him jump slightly in his place since no one ever called him so he always forgot when his sound was on. It seemed to be a number he hadn’t saved yet or deleted but the area code was around here… It was most likely just a telemarketer around here but that sliver lining of hope was there so he answered it.

“Hello?” He asked a bit gruffly. Most likely due to his first attempt of trying to swallow all the pills at once but he didn’t care.

“Kyle?” He heard a very familiar voice speak that made him physically freeze up. His heart was racing and a feeling of fear was arising so quickly it made him nauseous.

“… Stan?” He asked before clearing his throat. His head was started to feel dizzy and he could feel the pain in his stomach worsen at every second that passed by. What did he want? Was this a prank? Why was he being so silent now?!

“… Kyle… I’m really sorry! Kenny came up to me during our last class and… I didn’t know people were ignoring you. It’s all my fault… And… I was ignoring you too… Can I come over? Kenny’s here too and wants to see you again to make sure you’re okay.” Stan stammered out and Kyle couldn’t reply for the longest time. “Kyle? Are you still there?”

“Now. All this time and today had to be when you told me this? You fucking idiot! Of course people are going to ignore me after that because you’re one of the most popular guys at school! Mister lead quarterback who has a scholarship to any of the schools he wants and a girlfriend he wants to marry.” Kyle yelled and tried standing up but got to dizzy and fell back down with a small groan. Though before Stan could ask what happened he chimed in again quickly to say one last thing. “I don’t care anymore.” And hung the phone up.

The room was starting to go around in circles and his stomach wanted to empty out its contents if it weren’t for Kyle actively swallowing it back down. The pills were finally taking affect and the feeling of fear was starting to come up again. His phone fell to the floor as he let it go to grab at his head tightly to make the moving stop though he knew it wasn’t really moving. When he opened his eyes, he could see everything blurring up and turning dark. The fear was now going away and he was actually starting to feel happy because no one really cares about him. He’s just a weed in a garden that needed to be mowed down. Everything finally went dark with the pain that he was holding onto going away as well.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Pain.

That’s the first thing he felt when he achieved some form of consciousness. Was he in Hell for what he had done? His stomach turned in worry at the thought but at the same time a bit liberated. He would no longer be in a world that ignored him, that beat him down, that taunted him for being himself. The mental pain was worse than any physical pain he had ever felt. Well… It was really annoying him now. He really wanted water from how dry his throat felt and some kind of pain medication for his stomach. Maybe since him and Satan met before they could become friends?

His eyes fluttered open with a soft bark like chuckle escaping him at the though. It was very bright though to the point he had to squeeze his eyes shut again with a low groan. Was this heaven? He didn’t believe it was true but if it did exist were they allowing him to join?

“Kyle?” He heard someone call out in a broken voice as if they had been crying. It sounded a bit familiar too… Oh. He was still alive, wasn’t he? He was met with the same sight of light after his kidney transplant and could vaguely remember the pain he had felt from the surgery. He must have had his stomach pumped this time.

“Hm?” He hummed in confusion, finally opening his eyes slowly as they got accustom to the light. He smiled a bit as he stared at a very worried Kenny who was holding Kyle’s arm protectively. He didn’t even know someone was touching him. But then again, he felt extremely groggy and was fighting off sleep.

“Oh thank God! I’ll go get the other guys. They went down to the gift store to get some stuff for the room to look nicer. I stayed just in case you woke up.” Kenny said while standing up only to stop when a hand gripped tightly on his jacket. “… Kyle…” He said softly and sat back down when he saw the tears falling down the others cheeks.

“… H-… H-ow…” Kyle tried to say but it just caused his throat to hurt worse. Kenny must have picked up on that since he moved away to pour him a cup of water from a tan plastic pitcher. Once the cup was in Kyles hands he chugged it as if he had been without water for a whole week in a desert.

“How did you get here?” Kenny asked and received a small nod in response. It took a few moments before the actually said anything. “Well- after you hung up Stan said something weird happened. He said you groaned and said something like… It didn’t matter anymore? My heads still all… Anyway, um… He said that something might be wrong but it might have just been you still being mad at him for ignoring you and causing you pain. After a few minutes, we decided it was best to make sure everything was alright and hopefully talk things through. But when we got to your house we knocked. And Knocked… I decided to open the door and…” Kenny stopped and looked away as if reliving the moment.

Kyle reached out to touch their arm like they did for him but retracted it back when Kenny covered his own face with his hands. “I saw you… Laying there so- so lifeless. It wasn’t like seeing someone sleep but… I’m usually okay with death you know. Living on the other side of the tracks meant I’ve seen a lot of it from people stepping in front of the train to taking too much heroin. And when you were sick I was actually jealous of how much attention you got because when I- um- was sick no one seemed to care at all. Now I understand why it was so bad. Because… You can’t come back…” Kenny’s body was starting to shake slightly and the sound of sniffling filled the air.

“I’m…” Kyle began but when a hand held one of his own it silenced him. As well as the look of pain that was across Kenny’s face.

“I froze when I saw you. Stan… Stan was confused on why I wasn’t moving until he got a closer look at you and at the pill bottle laying on the counter. It seemed like when he finally realized what was happening was when I could move again. I must have screamed the roof off the house at Stan to call an ambulance. But- he froze too. It was so surreal it- it felt like a bad dream. I ran to the kitchen to grab your home phone and called while Stan was still stuck. After… They told us to leave you alone. I cursed that guy off so much.” Kenny said with a bitter laugh and squeezed Kyle’s hand. “I wanted to help you but they said I could just hurt you more if I tried so instead I went up to your room to grab you a blanket so that we could keep you warm. It was a relief when Stan finally checked and found your heart was still beating even though it wasn’t fast. I found your note though… And… The notebook you were writing in during lunch.” Kenny continued which made Kyle freeze up.

Oh yeah- the note was laying on his bed so it wasn’t hard to miss and with his compulsive nature he had left the notebook on his bedside table. He always kept his books there since it just looked neater that way instead of anywhere else and was easier to access. He must have had inadvertently kept the notebook on top though for the other to find it.    

“Stan wrapped you up and I kept the notebook and letter to myself since he was already crying and holding you close to himself. I don’t think I’ve seen him cry like that before. Well except maybe when he was a little kid.” Kenny thought before sighing and used his other hand to run his hand through Kyle hair protectively. “I wanted answers is why I looked in your notebook. It really didn’t hit me that these past few years have been the worst of your life until the EMT people came and took you away. Stan almost had a tug a war with them since he didn’t want to give you up but knew you needed help. We talked about everything though after. We even made a group chat of all the guys in our grade to ask if they knew why you were so sad.” Kenny said and saw the look of horror on Kyle’s face.

“Did you-“

“Not at first. We wanted answers since I didn’t want any lies. At first, they were like, ‘he’s sad?’ but gradually went into a, ‘I didn’t really realize we had been ignoring him; just teasing him sometimes’. Then they said you weren’t texting them back to the point they were getting worried so we told them. Token, Tweek, Craig, Stan, and Clyde are the ones at the gift store right now. The others said that they’ll be here later.” When he finished up, Kyle went quiet.

He felt like he should’ve been happy people were seeming to care but instead he felt… Idiotic. He couldn’t kill himself right? How stupid. Were they here out of pity? Oh, Cartman is going to have a field day with this one isn’t he? He groaned and moved away from Kenny to rest on his side. “I’m not dead?” Was all he could muster out and the room fell silent again.

“No. You’re safe.” Kenny said with concern as he placed a comforting hand on Kyles shoulder only for it to be slapped away. He looked at Kenny from the side of his eye and an apparent scowl staining his features.

“Safe? Kenny… Look. Look at me. What am I safe from?” He growled as he sat up angrily. “Look at where I am for fucks sake! Something like that would make sense if I was being attacked by someone but I chose to die okay. Oh wait no- I’m alive aren’t I? I’m so useless I couldn’t even get rid of myself. I just- I want to die.” Kyle began and near the end he started crying. Kenny couldn’t believe his ears and watched as Kyle slammed his hands down on the bed in complete disbelief. “Why doesn’t anyone like me? Why did they leave me? Why did it take me close to death for them to finally realize that I was in pain? Why?... Why did you finally make an attempt to be a friend again so late…” Kyle sobbed and tried pushing Kenny away while they hugged him. But from everything that happened he was just way to weak and ended up just staying in their hold to cry.

“People suck. I suck. We’ve just been too self-involved in our own lives that we didn’t care about anyone else. To them the jokes were just friendly jabs. The ignoring was just us not realizing you were alone… The combination was just how little we’ve paid attention to how we’ve been treating you to the extent that... We want to make things right.” Kenny said while stroking their back. Every single one of them, including himself, was feeling responsible for it and it was as a mass that had caused Kyle feel so low which made it worse.

“… Just because I tried killing myself doesn’t mean you all are obligated to do something.” Kyle said softly, earning a small pap on his head that caused him to jump in surprise.

“It’s not an obligation. We’ve been horrible to you. Even if you were to say you had forgiven us it still wouldn’t make things right. We… We want to make you smile again.” Kenny said and didn’t expect Kyle to start laughing. It wasn’t even fake but a full on hearty laugh.

“That’s so cheesy.” He grumbled with a small smile. His eyes still showed the pain he was still in but it was a start.

After a few minutes of hugging and silence, Kenny went over to get another glass of water for Kyle. Though right when he was done pouring it the door came open as a group of teens started filling inside the room not so quietly.

“What about the-“ Kyle heard Clyde’s voice in the doorway before everyone paused in their place when they saw that Kyle was awake and sitting up. It was a bit awkward having all their eyes on him especially since he had gotten use to them all ignoring him every day. And now that they were there visiting him in the hospital after attempting suicide because he didn’t want to live anymore made it twice as awkward.

“Kyle!” Stan called out and ran up to him to hug with a large plushie of a polar bear still in their hold. “I’m so sorry! I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so, so, sorry.” He said and Kyle was shocked as he started crying. So, Kenny wasn’t lying about the other really crying about him. “I got you this. I mean- I just… It’s cute and I thought it’d make you a bit happy. I-“ Stan rambled out while pushing the bear into Kyle’s chest. “They said you weren’t going to wake up until tomorrow so I don’t have a card. I wanted to get you one though with the bear! I just didn’t have enough money on me yet. It’s a funny card and stuff that would’ve went with it perfectly but the bears still cute without it.” He kept going with his words falling out rapidly.

“Stan breathe-“ He heard Craig say while walking over to the other side of the hospital bed with Tweek beside him holding hands. “Um… It’s not much but… It was green so I thought of you.” He began before placing another plushie on Kyles lap but this time it was a turtle.

“I- I’m going to make- agh! Um, food for you. I-I didn’t know what y-you would like so I hope chocolate chips cookies would be fine!” Tweek said with slight twitches which surprised Kyle since he hadn’t done that in forever.

“I- yeah I love cookies but you don’t have to.” Kyle said in a soft tone while he ran his hand through Stan hair when the other buried their head in his chest still crying.

“Token’s going to be coming with the motherload soon. But I was thinking that we should all go out together as a group later. I was thinking about renting out a cabin to get away from South Park since it could do some good getting away from this town for a bit but it’s still to be determined.” Clyde said while sitting on the end of the bed to pat Kyles lower leg. It seemed like they all were ignoring the elephant in the room though, aside from Stan who was crying and hugging him tightly, which wasn’t that bad since he didn’t feel like talking about it at that moment anyway.

“I… I don’t know.” Kyle said while looking away from everyone. His heart was hurting so bad since logically it was a sweet gesture from everyone but it still hurt. Plans for the future that he’ll have now since Stan and Kenny intervened but he still has the feeling of wanting to die. His stomach tightened up in knots and his eyes closed. He really didn’t want to be here now. Stan crying, the blatant avoiding, the seemingly obligated gifts they were giving him… He was tired.

“How are you feeling?” He heard Tweek asked and opened back one of his eyes to catch Craig giving him a stern ‘don’t ask that’ stare.

“Tired.” Kyle answered honestly before sighing and patting Stan’s back. “I… I’m very tired. Do you guys think we can just talk about this later?” He asked and Stan looked up as if begging to stay. Eyes red and puffy, nose dripping, and cheeks bright red from crying so much was really a sight to behold when the mental picture he had been seeing every time he had thought about Stan was of them laughing at him. He didn’t know how to feel at that or of anything anyone was saying or doing.

“Sure thing dude. We all need a shower anyway. Do you need anything from the house? I can go pick it up and bring it back here later.” Kenny offered with a kind smile. Kenny… Was he his angel? Kyle thought about the things he wanted or needed but all he really wanted was to sleep. Though- if he woke up to no one there it would’ve been nice to do something else besides watching hospital television.

“My phone for sure but besides that… Maybe a notebook. Or my laptop.” Kyle said in thought, not really knowing what to ask for since he was prepared to not need anything anymore. “And my toothbrush. Hospital ones aren’t the greatest… Thanks Kenny.” Kyle said while closing his eyes again. His insides still felt rotten but… It felt like they were trying their best to revive him. He had meant to only rest his eyes for a bit but didn’t fight when sleep was overtaking him since everything seemed nice in that moment and didn’t want to ruin it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you two for commenting <3 it made me want to write the next chapter asap since I'm a sucker when people comment because it makes me happy~

**Author's Note:**

> (( Thank you for reading~ feel free to comment or send messages with your thoughts :) next chapter will hopefully not take too long to make ))


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